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Post by wisdomseyes1 on Feb 1, 2011 15:49:47 GMT
I just need somewhere to put my feelings... for someone to listen... Writing always seemed to help make me feel better, and I am not sure I will even post this... so let's see what happens.
In middle-school... I wasn't the coolest kid. I guess that should probably be obvious being a warhammer player. I was liked by everyone. No one mocked me... no one really cared really. I was known by everyone and if some needed help I would be there...
But thats just it... i was known by all, but treasured by none. Throughout my first few years at the school... I was alone. Trapped in a dark void with myself and my thoughts. No one was there to share my feelings, to share my interests.
Then finally, I found someone, who would at least acknowledge that I existed... he seemed to truly desire to be my friend. By fifteen, I still hadn't been invited anywhere by anyone. 15 years of life and i was still alone, but he showed me I was not.
The years went on. I loved him like you would love a brother. We did everything together. I was invited to everything that he was. We became a packaged deal. For the first time, I had felt what it was like to be happy. I didn't realize I was unhappy before... when all you know is dark, how can you fathom the light?
In high school, we went separate ways. He went to one high school, I went to another. I was alone again. We still hung out every once and a wile, but less and less frequently, until he stopped talking to me completely...
Another 2 years went by, still isolated from others. Just as in middle school, I was known and liked by everyone, but was friends of none. A new friend came along, and made me feel better about myself. This time however, I was introduced to all of his friends as well, and I became part of a group.
I was introduced to warhammer with them. I love the strategy and actual social interaction you can't really accomplish on the Internet.
But alas... as the year goes on and all of my friend get girlfriend wile I am standing here watching everyone else be happy, I wonder how much longer it will be before I have to start anew. I know they will not be my friends forever... it is the way of life. We all move on and change. No 2 lives are ever interwoven for long, and often diverge into opposite directions.
1 word, friend, made me a solid when I was intangible. Made me noticed when I was invisible. made me audible when the sound was drown by my tears. And now, as high school is coming to a close, I wonder if i will be able to handle starting over again...
Wow... I started to sound like a twilight movie there :-)
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Post by logic79 on Feb 1, 2011 17:00:05 GMT
I have found over the years that this hobby has been as useful for making friends as it is a hindrance. Due to a lack of work in my home town I have had to move about a bit for the last few years. My only requirement for which town I moved to was that their had to be a GW store nearby. This way I was certain that I would be able to quickly meet people who shared a common interest. So far it has worked well. I know though this doesn't help with school.
This has started me thinking, (not a good idea) but my hobby, which is seen by many as geeky and sad has always supplied me with friends. Where do the "cool" kids from school go to make new friends?
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Post by Psychichobo on Feb 1, 2011 19:31:28 GMT
It's scary isn't it? I've had this sort of weird mini clique in high school, the geeks so to speak. Had them through college too, which is what you do after high school ages 16-18, basically the last two years of american high school, and since it wasn't compulsory a lot of the jerks left, so other geeks came out of the woodwork so to speak.
But when I went to University I had to sort of start all again. Thanks to regular meetups with mates I still kept in touch, but I made a load of new friends and didn't hang out with my old mates as much.
Uni's finished, so I'm back in my hometown with a few mates who didn't go off to uni. Now a fair few university friends still keep in touch, from wargaming club and otherwise, so it's not as bad as you might think it'll be. But there are some friends I barely see anymore, often because they get into relationships and vanish off or simply because your interests change.
But don't worry too much. Remember, they say friends come and go, so you'll rarely end up alone. School sucks, you can make some good friends there but for the most part you just get made to feel judged all the time, so that'll probably reinforce this idea that the problem is you. But it ain't.
University (College for you yanks, unless you're from somewhere else then I got no idea) helps a lot. You end up with a load of people who're all in the same situation, but since it's not high school and there's way less posers and jocks and whatnot you find more people you can get on with and hang around with, and that helps restore your faith in being able make friends, as well as giving you that confidence to not judge yourself based on popularity.
Plus, afterwards you can find all sorts of clubs and friends through friends and stuff, so don't worry too much - it's not all doom and gloom =)
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Post by wisdomseyes1 on Feb 2, 2011 3:55:37 GMT
I thought that britz call us yankies thing was fake... :-)
This was more of something i just needed to say because I needed to say it you know? I needed to scream at the top of my lungs, but there was no one there to listen... so I figured i would put it here.
I am not concerned about being popular. It's being alone that I can't deal with. And it seems the happier my friend are, the more i feel alone. it is strange, and i don't think it would make any sense to anyone reading this. I can't find a way to put my feelings into words... it isn't as absolute as the math we see on the tactics forms or the rules questions on the general.
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Post by kenji10000 on Feb 2, 2011 3:59:41 GMT
Things will work out in time. As cliche as it sounds its always darkest before the dawn, I had a battle with similar feelings when my father killed himself. trust me things seem hard but when you least expect it a ray of light will shine through the darkness...
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Post by kingin on Feb 2, 2011 4:18:03 GMT
Hey Wisdom I feel ya bud. I kinda was the same, but little different. Even though we argue on forum a bit your cool guy.
Ya I know its hard being a lone, at times I feel homesick being at home.
I used to have best friends, but they stabbed me in the back. But because of some things I met people around the world. My best friend basicly lives down in FL while I live in NY and hes a year younger then me. Also got friend in GA, which goin to hang with.
Ya no one up here in NY likes me ignores me, people used to be my friends, but I kept my faith bud. ya don't want to get religon into this but helped me a bit. Don't think the town you live in is the world! Its a big place and many people in it.
This hobby ya helps ya find people, like the hobby store i go to.
Also one thing that I found out, and that I have trouble working on and that I feel we both need to work on is this.
We gotta love ourselves and like ourselves before others like us.
Ya I admit it I hate myself at times, but I still trying to learn how to like myself or love myself so that I don't care what others think, or that I don't need to have others around for my life to be happy! Funny thing about me is that I am one funny guy or goofy person, but inside I get depressed a lot. I got my family. even though i wish they were not there at times but hey they stay.
These are little tips that I feel. and bro I feel ya when you have to vent (please do not swear) out, I do all the time. Hope all gets better tomorrow which always happens.
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Post by Tyamius, Shadow Lord on Feb 2, 2011 4:27:25 GMT
Wisdom I understand what your talking about man, it struck a cord as I saw this. I'm the oldest of 6 kids my mom favors the 3 girls while my step-dad favors his 2 boys so i'm left on the sidelines...the only time they really even speak to me is if i'm going someone where or if they want to go out drinking and trying to be young again (they are both 36).
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Post by Frontier Guide on Feb 2, 2011 10:50:56 GMT
"sigh" I know what your talking about I only ever had one true friend and after being friends for 5 years his family moved interstate Ive never had a true friend since then...
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Post by The Tomato on Feb 2, 2011 11:17:14 GMT
Highschool? That would make you about 18-19 amirite? (Im asking since im not familiar with the english names)
Anyway. I have, on some ocations gone through similar things and from both sides of the situation and while I cant say what will work for you I can say what worked for me.
First of, you have gotten friends before, as such the chance is pretty big that you are a likable person and should not have any trouble meeting new friends.
Also, I would advice you that while its unlikley that you will be able to keep all your friends, do not give up on it already. While most people I have known have scattered all over the world I have a group remainng from all over and while a lot of things has happend over the years (My ex-fiance activly tried to stop me from meeting anyone but her, I didnt catch on untill it was almost to late) most of them remain.
Tl,dr: While things might seem dark right now, things will be easier if you do not worry about themĀ“.
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Post by logic79 on Feb 2, 2011 13:50:20 GMT
High School is 11/12 to 15/16. Then we have College, then Uni.
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Post by The Tomato on Feb 2, 2011 14:06:17 GMT
I see. My confusion mainly stemms from that over here, Highschool is on the same level of education as university.
Which in this case gives us High school = High Stadium College = Gymnatium University = University/Highschool
This actually surprised me quite a bit, but I guess that makes you the same age as my youngest brother who are applying for Colleges this month.
Yes, I remember those were some horrifying first weeks as I had to leave a lot of things behind, but it did end up great. Most of my current friends are from my old College.
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Post by Tyamius, Shadow Lord on Feb 2, 2011 15:14:50 GMT
18 you had it right
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Post by Grythic on Feb 2, 2011 19:29:22 GMT
It's being alone that I can't deal with. And it seems the happier my friend are, the more i feel alone. it is strange, and i don't think it would make any sense to anyone reading this. I understand this perfectly, i've been going through a similar thing for awhile now, i'm probally older than you though (im 18). I really wish i could tell you it gets better, but the song "highschool never ends" is pretty much right.
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Post by drdan on Feb 3, 2011 0:42:21 GMT
I really wish i could tell you it gets better, but the song "highschool never ends" is pretty much right. Nah, things get better. Go off to Uni, everyone is starting from scratch, meeting new people. It's easy to chat to people and get to know a few in the first few weeks because nobody knows anyone. You have societies for all sorts of hobbies and sports so you will find people you like and who like you. The most important thing is to be proactive. Try and be sociable and get involved in clubs and societies - it's too easy to stay inside and that just makes things worse. While I have two really good friends from my teens (though we haven't been in touch regularly for several years now), they were part of a quite 'cool' wider social circle which I never quite felt totally comfortable in, always a bit socially awkward. At 18 I moved away to Uni and made a decision that I would just dive in in the first couple of weeks, be sociable and go to all of the freshers' events. It was really easy to meet people - and made some really good friends too. I had a really great few years. I think that's the golden period - undergrad. Someone was always up for a beer and a game of pool. Drifting away from people happens, and will continue to happen until you start settling down geographically - I just relocated for a new job, and will have to do it all again - my work colleagues are a great bunch though!
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Post by robomummy on Feb 3, 2011 1:12:21 GMT
I know what you are going through, like you I am in my last year of highschool and have few real friends. The hobby has helped alot for me as well, I had a few friends in middle school but I went to another school and lost contact with them. the only way I was able to make friends was a Warhammer club that some of the seniors started my freshman year, thats actually how I got into warhammer. anyways the club ended after a few months due to lack of intrest and I was left stuck wondering what to do. lucky for me a few weeks later the fencing club started and because of my prior experience I rose to the level of president of the club, I met a few others there who also played warhammer. now I am going to college next year and have to start the cycle all over, my only consolation about this is all my colleges have a GW within 10 miles of them.
(also in America it is Elementary school (about age 5-10), middle school (about ages 10/11-13/14), Highschool (about ages 14-18)
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