The Relationship Thread

[l0rdf1end]

Love the Zoolander

[Psychichobo]

I just don't get the chance to meet people more than anything. Moved back home after Uni and struggled to find work for so long, and got a rather naff supermarket job in the end. Got an MA starting in a week which will be nice, but for the most part I just live in a small town and rely on visiting friends or going with them to places to meet people.

Sadly, my friends at home don't go out that much and my other friends are often working or all over the place, so it's difficult trying to get into the situation where I do meet people.


Finally - I'm just not that into most people I meet nowadays. I'm not all about high standards or anything, but I don't want a relationship for the sake of one, I just want someone I'd get on with.

[Illithid]

Sept 6, 2012 12:29:03 GMT N.I.B. said:

Men usually overestimate how attractive they are in the eyes of members of the opposite sex.
Women usually underestimate how attractive they are in the eyes of members of the opposite sex.

Just throwing it out there.

[wisdomseyes1]

Is this thread really something I want to post on... should I?

*sigh* I have resisted the urge for 2 days, but it is to hard.

4 Relationships so far:

1. First one was a girl. I used her, broke her heart, and never saw her again. I feel bad for that, but it was high school and I was afraid of myself. She was my scapegoat and I do truly feel terrible for it. I cant change the past, and honestly who I am now is based greatly on that ‘relationship’. Without her, I would have never come out of the closet and I would have never realized how horrible people my ‘friends’ were

2. The next relationship was short lived. Lasted about 2 weeks. Why did it last for such a short time? Because I felt like I could trust him. I felt I could be truly myself around him… and I felt excited when I was around him. Well, he worked at it… but he finally got what he wanted… and when he did, I never heard from him again. I guess it was “assumed” we were over. Or, something terrible happened to him, in which case my resentment for him is unjustified… but that feeling to not trust people has stuck with me, so it has only made me a better judge of people. Rosanne said it quite well, “I am usually a good judge of character because I don’t like any of em”

[yellow]WARNING: 3 is very long and for good reason. [/yellow]
3. After that, I had a few dates since then (mostly online dating, I know what a loser, but my school had NO gay guys, it sucked. And yes, I did check my drama department, heterosexual all around). None of them lead to anything interesting or worth mentioning.

Then, for those who keep track of the general board, 7 months or so ago, one of my dear friends revealed he was bi-romantic. Immediately, I went after him ;D. At first, I wasn’t “his type”, when in reality, a few weeks later, he actually told me he had a crush on me and didn’t want to reveal that in order to maintain his hatred for high school relationships, because they are doomed to fail. He also thought, somehow, that I was still in a relationship.

Well, eventually we started going out. Just a date or 2. It was… different. The thing about him saying he was bi-romantic, he meant it… it was… relieving. It was nice to have someone I shared a lot in common with who WASN’T aiming to get into my pants. Seriously, tip, if you want sex, go online. That is like hook up central, not a single person there is there for a relationship. The ones who say they are want a ‘relationship’ that starts the day you meet… and the sex to start the next day or that night because you are in a relationship and so it’s okay.

We went out for 2 months and honestly, since the greatest forms of public displays of affection we showed were limited to some hand holding and cuddling on cold rainy days, no one knew we were even together save my closest friend (and there were rumors floating around my group of friends but no one pressed on it since they didn’t believe it, and they wouldn’t have even if I had told them because of the next statement I will make). 2 months, we had never even kissed. It was suck a foreign idea, for 2 people who are together to not just kiss in front of everyone, hold hands down the hall, make sure everyone knew they were together, and all these other things that I have seen on TV and reinforced too be seen in real life and what past relationships had insisted we do. Most of our relationship was, well, friendship.

One day, we had a friendly Magic the Gathering draft at my friends house and then proceeded to watch God Bless America. I sat next to him as expected and laughed I strongly disagree off at the amazing movie before us. We ended at around, ill say, 1 in the morning. Bedtime.

There were only 3 sleepingbags, and 5 people. So, him and I slept on a quilt outside the room they were in. We cuddled up to keep warm, since there were no more blankets and it was cold in there. We talked some more while the others drifted into dream. I couldn’t sleep because I was sleeping next to him and the idea filled my head.

I don’t remember what brought this up… but the feeling I had been holding back and refusing to say… slipped out of my lips. I told him that I loved him. Never before have I said that to anyone outside of my family and never before do I think I ever felt such a thing… and with that he looked at me and he kissed me. Just a short kiss, lip to lip. None of that French stuff that I had come to know so well. I think that is my fondest memory, ever.

Well, 2 weeks before high school ended senior year, he started being a bit… distant. I figured I was just being a bit obsessive or something; that nothing was wrong and I was fabricating the ideas in my head. Turns out… I was wrong. The last day of high school, after graduation, he told me that we were over. That we were moving in different directions (him with Berkley and myself with Monterey Bay) our relationship wouldn’t last, not when we wont be together anymore. His distance for the past 2 weeks was caused by him creating a clean break from me… forever.

Well, that wasn’t the true end of us. Now, that caused my downward spiral that lead to my best friend stabbing me in the back (for those who follow the grinds gears thread, this was about 3 months ago, when he swore me off because I didn’t like paying for his date with this girl on the same night I lost my relationship) We stayed in contract after a while.

Here is where it gets really juicy for all of you who like the twilight books or any bad romance/ drama. It’s a interesting read. One night, about midnight, I was talking to him. He had been offline on steam for 2 weeks. He was… happy. Now, for you that seems normal, someone is happy. No, he was HAPPPY. It is unusual for him to be joyous about anything, but he was complementing me like no one’s business. I asked him what he was going up so late and he said, “I was going to go up to the roof of my apartment and look at the stars” which really worried me, it was very unlike him. We talked for what I remember to be an hour and a half. I inquired why he had been gone, and he told me that, apparently, he has severe liver damage that isn’t covered by his families insurance. His family can’t afford to get it repaired. He was stuck.

Eventually he told me what the night sky was really about- a euphemism for suicide. He had every intention of killing himself that night, avoid the slow and painful death that would occur from the liver deterioration. Now, being the selfish (please do not swear) that I am, called 911 on him. I couldn’t, even then, imagine the thought of losing him. Even when he wasn’t mine anymore. I didn’t want to lose him.

Well the cops came to his house… his dad got pissed and made them leave… and then he got very angry at me and blocked all communications with me. I don’t know, even now, if he is alive or not. I will always bare the idea I could have saved him… and I’ll always think I failed… and I will always ask myself if there was something more I could do.

4. Not as amazing as the last story. I liked him at the beginning, he shared similar ideals to me. But beyond our ideals, we shared nothing in common. I got unimaginably bored around him and I couldn’t help it. I ended the relationship with him a month and a half in.

Long post is long. And that is, basically, my life story until today where I am currently single.

[KrakenGenesi]

@wisdomeyes1 - Wow...that will do for my Eastenders fix today! That all sounds quite intense and traumatic (lol, just spelled that as trawmatic...thank god for spell check).

I am sorry about your number 3, life can be very hard sometimes - the only thing you can really do is accept the situation and "push on regardless" (as my grandad says). "Everything that happens is for the best" (as my grandma says).

I have had a terrible year love-wise and REALLY believed that I would never get over it. However, although the memories linger, things got easier - 7 months down the line and I feel ready to move on properly.

To move on I need to get out of my normal routine and do something exciting (you only live once).

I have done Camp America (went to Camp William Penn in the Poconos..which is shut now). And I did volunteer work for UNICEF in Bihar, India.
Life has thrown me a curve ball, so it is time to be proactive - grab life by the short and curlies! I recommend this to anyone who is bummed out by current situations - be proactive, get out of your comfort zone, do something fun and satisfying (40K doesnt count in this case )

I am going to do TEFL and inflict myself upon the world!

It is fantastic to have something to look forward to again, a light in an otherwise normal existence. Who knows....I may meet someone again!

Love,
Edd

[Jasta]

I too have resisted the urge of posting on here. I have only had two real relationships. The first was a terrible experience. I was a senior in High School then. I had never really been that out going when it came to girls. I like to call myself a nerd, I played 40k, my brother and I were the best on the chess team, but I also played soccer and ran track. I mostly stayed home on the weekends or just did stuff with friends (video games, board games, 40k, etc...). Going into the summer of senior year I learned that some girl liked me. My first thoughts were "A girl... likes... me?" This was completely new and I had no idea what to do. Of course we start getting to know each other and it just so happened that our groups of friends kinda merged into one big one so we saw each other a lot more. Things were going well, it was your basic high school relationship. Then she broke up with me out of the blue. Really no reason. Just facebook messaged me saying it was over. Broke my heart. A facebook message. And it was over. I felt terrible. I wanted to die (I know extreme, right?). She gave no explanation. I had no idea what to think, do, or feel. Of course.... a few weeks later she says that she made a mistake and that she misses me and wants to get back together. As I had no experience with girls before, I gladly take her back. A few weeks later.... Another facebook message... Seriously? Same story as before. No real explanation. I don't really feel as bad as before, but it still sucks. I got the "I thought love was only true in fairy tales" mentality (thanks Smash Mouth). A few weeks and I was just kinda over it. Then.... guess what happens... She wants to get back together again. Can you guess what I did? I agreed... Guess how she ended it a few weeks later? Facebook message? Haha not this time, a text... Same girl, three times, all the same circumstances. I was an idiot....

My other relationship is much better. We're still together and going on two years this November. Funny story, I was so nervous asking her if she ever wanted to do something that it wasn't until the midnight release of the 2nd last Harry Potter that I made my move. We both liked each other and she knew every time I couldn't speak properly (trying to ask her) what I was really trying to say. So towards the end of the movie, during the climax, I just kissed her. Before I ever asked her out or anything. Actions speak louder than words, right? It wasn't until the next day I asked her out on a date. Whenever Harry Potter comes up when I'm with her, we look at each other and either wink or do some other goofy gesture. She truly is amazing. My better half. My best friend. She is someone I can be myself around. Someone I can tell anything. She very well could be the one. So many people have played big roles in my life and then just left for some reason. This happens to me all the time. Like friends, people I see everyday whether it be work, school, or sports, or family members. I've come to realize, that anyone who enters our lives, anyone that influences us, for no matter how long or short, helps make us who we are. They help create your character whether you realize it or not. I am glad that that first (please do not swear) relationship happened. It has helped me since. I have become more realistic when it comes to relationships. You cannot force them to work, but you do have to work together, emphasis on together, to manage them. I am so grateful for my amazing girlfriend. And whether we spend the rest of our lives together or whatever else happens, she has had a huge impact shaping me into the man I am today. That's my take on relationships, no matter what kind.

[guidebot]

Sure, why not.

I've been with the same girl for... hmm, it must be either 8 or 9 years. Neither of us particularly remember our 'anniversary', which is fine =). I'm 25 by the way.

And this will sound totally saccharine, but - we just totally work. We still have that feeling you have when you're new in a relationship, that excited buzz. It's just... great.

For the record, our relationship has not been exclusive for it's whole duration. At university, for example, we decided a degree of flexibility was appropriate, since we were separated by hundreds of miles and couldn't see each other so often. This has made our relationship so much stronger, as we can appreciate each other against other people so much better.

I love it when married couples tell us all about how they met and get all condescending and all like "oh yes five years is a long time; we have kids and rings on our fingers and mortgages and responsibility". That makes me laugh, inside.

[Deathnid]

i have been dating this girl for just over a moth now and she is amazing ;D she is smart, funny (hot ) and she likes me for who i am.

[biorivera]

I've been dating this girl for about 10 months now. She's really clingy, but beyond that she's awesome. Since I've started getting back into 40k she's gotten me some painting stuff to help me out. She used to buy me model cars, cause me and her father work on older muscle cars(usually independently of eachother, but his 69' racing nova is drop dead sexy so I'm always willing to lend a hand with that thing).

I very recently went through some insanely stressful stuff, and I really felt like I was hitting a wall; she made me feel a lot better even though she's usually the one to have breakdowns left and right(she's like highly OCD- I don't mean it in the cute way I mean in the she won't goto sleep till she knows the house is spotless sort of way- we don't live together).

I'm just really glad to have her for now regardless of what happens with the relationship. My future right now is highly subject to change(about to get out of undergraduate education, considering military before graduate school but undecided).

It sucks to hear some of the problems you guys have gone through.

Wisdomseyes, your stuff really strikes a chord with me. I don't want to be all "I have a gay family member so I know your plight"; but my father is gay(single, HIV positive, and dating oddly enough- the guy gets more action than I do in my prime I think >.> but he only really came to grips with his sexuality about a decade ago...when he got infected with HIV). and my younger sister in her teens has been come out of the closet for a while. I know it's been really hard for both of them even to find people to potentially date but they've both had more luck that I was honestly expecting(considering I've never used the net to meet people).

The internet has really made the world a lot smaller place(don't even get me started on iphone apps like grindr); which is awesome for all of us in this day and age. So don't let stuff keep you down too much; hurting can suck beyond any rational belief but that isn't something you can let make you jaded. People who are cynical and jaded are rarely attractive to anyone; unless they turn it into a self deprecating humorous persona but that's a really hard line to walk without being difficult to be around.

[wisdomseyes1]

HIV positive, ouch X( sorry to hear about your dad. I can imagine people would be mostly fine with going out with someone like that... so long as they, excuse my bluntness, don't like it rough. As for Steve (number 3), yea... I still don't know what happened to him. I likely never will, and maybe it is better that way.

As for my current relationship status, since I guess that is the point of this thread, I have actually been seeing someone for a few weeks now. We aren't "together" but we are exclusive... if that makes any sense. We are dating, but we arent in a relationship. It's... odd. But hey, I like this person s, yea ^_^

And, what I really like about my current relationship with this person, they don't say "Back off he's mine" like other relationships I have had in the past have. THAT irritates me, the jealousy factor that other people get in the relationship.

And, yea.

[biorivera]

It's rough, but he's older in age and still astonishingly healthy. The communities for dating even in the realm of being HIV positive are surprisingly vast. I don't know too many people in their 60's besides him that hit the gym at least once a day and as a six pack.

Also glad to hear the good news as of late.

[wisdomseyes1]

Well, hopefully he knows there is more than 1 type of HIV, so you still have to use protection 0.o Lots of people think "Oh, I have HIV, therefore being with someone who has HIV is safe" When in reality there are 6(?) different types of HIV

[commandersasha]

I was THAT guy, loads of female friends, all platonic, never could summon up the courage or self-esteem to risk ruining a friendship by trying to push it further.
Fortunately my now wife was pushy, persistent and VERY forward...we just had our 14th wedding anniversary, and the love, the liking and the lust are as strong as ever.

I'm a big believer in being yourself, your light will shine through, and be a beacon to the person it's meant for.

[commandersasha]

(And in the meantime, play the field, don't be a jerk, and enjoy life!)

[biorivera]

Sept 30, 2012 18:26:07 GMT wisdomseyes1 said:

Well, hopefully he knows there is more than 1 type of HIV, so you still have to use protection 0.o Lots of people think "Oh, I have HIV, therefore being with someone who has HIV is safe" When in reality there are 6(?) different types of HIV

Oh yeah no, people know surprisingly little about the condition. My whole family is in the medical profession luckily; frankly without the help of some others in the medical field I don't think we would have been so fortunate because frankly we wouldn't have been able to afford his medications and treatments(or my sister for her repeat sports injuries, but those are understandably less expensive).

I actually have done a fair bit of research in school regarding latent HIV viral re-activation where "healthy" carriers tend to suddenly get spikes and develop severe HIV(William and Mary has phenomenal research opportunities- nothing too crazy just stuff like mass spectroscopy, PCR gels, assays, a few knockout gene mice if we're lucky), and am hoping to get an internship at Cold Spring Harbor labs for a research grant I wrote which has to to with an HIV signaling pathway and would love to end up working with one of the most interesting viruses we've ever seen.......I mean frankly there is origin of life type stuff to be learned from HIV. It both fascinates and terrifies me every day.

14 years commandersasha? wow that's nothing to scoff at by any means. Especially in this day and age when so many marriages fail so quickly because people rush into things. Congrats!(though apparently I'm 14 years overdue =P )