venting out some family problems

[theantman2006]

hey friends, this proberbly isent the place for this but the hive being the only forum im somewhat active on i find myself drawn here to express my frustration, i pretty much just need to get this off my chest to someone..anyone.

il try and keep this short...

my sister has been married for several years now and they have a beautiful daughter, they were evicted from their home last week, he earns decent money so wat the hell?
the home they were just evicted from was purchased by my dad and sold it to them very cheap..so wats the problem here? this got me asking questions around the family.

it turns out her husband is a con-man or something, in summary he acts like they are poor as hell, it turns out he has borrowed £10k from my parents of which he was suppose to pay back with his inheritance that was coming...he never did

he approached my auntie on the anniversary of her HUSBANDS DEATH, had her in tears and asked for £25k which for some reason she handed over. in total he has had about 50k out of my family has nothing to show for it..no car..no house...nothing.

my sister has a heart of gold and seems to be completely oblivious to his obvious deceptions and is on his side,
when i asked my parents what they want to do about this they told me nothing will be done because they dont want to fall out and lose contact with their granddaughter and i will also say nothing....

i am extremely angry atm and tempted to do something stupid hopefully this venting will help....
i just dont know what to do this man is going downhill and taking my whole family with him and i cant do a thing,
any ideas how to handle this?
thx for listening/reading

[Psychichobo]

That is an incredibly harsh situation you're in. The only thing I can think of is to try and talk this through more with your parents calmly and also with your sister too. In particular your sister.

You need to make sure you don't get angry when you do, and make sure you have all the facts straight.

But really, I don't think this can continue. 50k is an astonishing amount of money, you can't let him carry on like this.


Of course, don't feel like you have to take my advice, it's up to you. I have to admit, this situation must have you feeling very trapped and frustrated.

[1deadcop]

sorry to hear man, that's a huge pickle your in. but as said above i would talk it out with the family.

[carnogaunt]

Is your family done giving him money, or is this going to keep happening? He will show his true character when the lending stops. If your parents are giving him money, they should insist on monitoring his finances.

I remember in high school a friend told me a story about his family's financial problems. His father needed his parents to bail him out of $20k USD of credit card debt. He was making about $50k a year, but he was also the single earner of a household with three children, they had no savings, and they were living paycheck-to-paycheck.

So my point is, there's no sense in getting angry over it until you know where the money is going. It's possible to have a relatively large amount of income and still be in the hole because of past or current poor decisions. But your parents are entitled to know what he's spending the money on, and it would be inappropriate of him to refuse.

[theantman2006]

Jun 17, 2011 17:45:49 GMT carnogaunt said:

Is your family done giving him money, or is this going to keep happening? He will show his true character when the lending stops. If your parents are giving him money, they should insist on monitoring his finances.

I remember in high school a friend told me a story about his family's financial problems. His father needed his parents to bail him out of $20k USD of credit card debt. He was making about $50k a year, but he was also the single earner of a household with three children, they had no savings, and they were living paycheck-to-paycheck.

So my point is, there's no sense in getting angry over it until you know where the money is going. It's possible to have a relatively large amount of income and still be in the hole because of past or current poor decisions. But your parents are entitled to know what he's spending the money on, and it would be inappropriate of him to refuse.

nobody is giving him a penny more thats for sure...i have no idea what the money was spent on..hes not the kind to do drugs or anything, thats pretty easy to suss out. i dont really like the idea of confronting my sister shes just lost her home and is pregnant, shes very delicate atm.

[Dro]

The longer you prolong the confrontation the worse it's going to be for you and more importantly, her. Just do some background research on where the money is going, get both sides of the story.

Follow the money.

[ikterus]

Guys like these don't stop until they have to. Your sister will continue to suffer if something don't happen.

My guess is gambling and/or economical risk taking. This kind of guy is always trying to make back what he owes, the fast and easy (and dangerous) way. At this time the worst thing you can do is to give him more money. If you want to help (economy-wise) don't give him money. Pay bills if you want to but don't let your brother in law spend any money freely.

Also, demand an explanation.

Even if you're through helping, talk to your sister first and foremost. She's an adult and can make her own decisions. She obvously want to stay with this guy, but she should make some demands. He should explain to her what is going on. She and the kid(s) deserve it.

As you might see I've been through this. My sister in law got screwed by her boyfriend. The money weren't as big, my sister in law owes 3K, but the story is the same, and she will be in debt for many years to come.

Good luck! The anger is in place, but think about what you do with it. Your sister and her kids are what matter.

(I'm still angry at my former brother in law...)

[GestationPool]

A family friend was also in the hole, when her husband got arrested she got the debt. If this guy has the kind of character you describe he will probably leave your sister eventually or have a run in with the law... or both. If your sister gets left in a pile of debt with two small children in 5this economy... As said above, let your family pay some of the bills if they insist but DO NOT take his word of give the money directly to him. Get your facts straight and talk to your family, after that, it's out of your control.