320 Ways to Annoy your Opponent

[Alta]

320 Ways to Annoy your Opponent:

• Bring a hand puppet. Question it constantly as to what is the best course of action.
  
  
• Bring a small model coffin with undertakers. Every time a model dies, escort it off the battlefield and give it model funeral. Remember to hum the funeral theme tune.
  
  
• Bring a falsified rulebook.
  
  
• Shave your head. Paint your skin green. Wear a nose ring. Grunt a lot.
  
  
• Flip a coin at the start of the game. After observing the outcome, claim that you have won the game. Look upset if your opponent denies this. Sulk.
  
  
• Bring 20 printed pages of notes and intellectual-looking glasses. Refuse to let your opponent look at them. Refer to them throughout the game. Speak aloud as you read- "he's gone there, so contingency plan 8a means that I should..."
  
  
• Insist opponent rolls all your dice for you. Complain and insult your opponent if you get any bad rolls.
  
  
• Before the game, do a little dance and motion to the gods. Curse your opponent dramatically.
  
  
• Arrive before your opponent. Set up your army and then take the other side of the table. Act as if you are expecting to play with your opponent's army.
  
  
• Add a spring loading system to your cannon. Bring lots of ball bearings.
  
  
• Bring a plastic kid's sword and 'challenge' your opponent. If he refuses, claim you have won the game through his forfeit.
  
  
• Play dead if your general dies.
  
  
• Bring a Land-raider model from 40K. Leave it sitting conspicuously on your side of the table. Make cryptic references to the power of laser cannon in WHFB.
  
  
• Complain that you don't think you can trust your hero.
  
  
• Act as if you are a sports commentator. Commentate on the game. Incessantly.
  
  
• Ask politely if your opponent wouldn't kill your general. Explain that its his birthday.
  
  
• Bring a smoke machine. Insist on recreating the "fog of war".
  
  
• Sacrifice a goblin to Mork before the game. Saw off its head with a craft knife.
  
  
• Arrange models in a diorama in the middle of the battle. Take photos for a "battle report."
  
  
• Sharpen your goblins' spears before the game with a craft knife. Grin widely.
  
  
• Cackle diabolically. "The World is mine! Nothing can stop me now!"
  
  
• State before the game that you are playing for the title of the champion of the universe.
  
  
• Feel the personal loss of every soldier. "Alas, poor Yorrick, I knew him well."
  
  
• Lament the woes of war loudly. Faint when a model dies.
  
  
• Add sound FX. Kaboom!
  
  
• Ask if you can have TV rights to the game.
  
  
• Just to surprise your opponent, agree amicably with and compliment your opponent!
  
  
• Declare that you are opposed to the senseless destruction of our forests. Refuse to let him kill your treemen. Refuse to let him move through woods.
  
  
• Insist on a lunch break for your troops. Bring a model Mr. Whippy Van.
  
  
• Explain that you are a pacifist. Call off the game immediately.
  
  
• Order your miniatures in your best Sergeant-Major voice. "Quick march, on the double- hut!"
  
  
• Ask if your opponent is opposed to nuclear warfare. Carry a small spherical device. Give no other reasons.
  
  
• Wear a crown. Say that you are the "Lord of the Galaxy". Get a horde of admirers to cheer you on.
  
  
• Bring a stuffed, shaved poodle. Say it is your mascot.
  
  
• Grow a Hitler moustache and wear a swastika. 'Discipline' your troops if they fail to salute you.
  
  
• Cheer on your miniatures.
  
  
• Hide under the table at the start of the game. Make your opponent drag you out. Speak in a nervous whisper. Confide in him that you are scared of his troops.
  
  
• Leave a false army list lying around. Snatch it back angrily if your opponent starts to read it, but leave it visible.
  
  
• Pull out an ace surreptitiously ( but obviously ) from your sleeve during the magic phase. Look pleased. Try to play it.
  
  
• Keep a deck of Magic the Gathering cards handy. When you are told it is "the magic phase" bring out the cards and start to shuffle them. Ask if he wants to cut your deck.
  
  
• Speak in Skaven. Neek- Neek!
  
  
• Tell him you've brought weighted dice. Complain about the uselessness of modern technology when you start to roll ones.
  
  
• Bring a lamp. Rub it and make three wishes before the game. Look at your opponent accusingly if they don't immediately come true. Ask him if he's used it.
  
  
• Ask what year it is. Ask where you are. Ask what game you are going to play. If he says warhammer, bring out an antique mallet and hit him with it. Smile a corny grin.
  
  
• Make references to a spy/traitor in his army.
  
• Don't place your wizard on the board at the start of the game. At the end of your deployment, use a small explosive device to create a smoke screen and place down the wizard behind it while you yell, "poof!". When the smoke dissipates, say, "Tadaa!"
  
  
• Have a history written for every trooper. Start a family feud.
  
  
• Pour cheese sauce all over your opponent's army. Complain that it is cheesy.
  
  
• Come with an army painted completely flora purple. Wear dark glasses.
  
  
• Attempt to bribe your opponent's characters. Turn away quickly if your opponent looks at you questioningly. Deny everything.
  
  
• Refer to your miniatures only by their first name.
  
  
• Deny everything
  
  
• Try to bribe his units over to your side.
  
  
• Three words: Pastel Color Scheme.
  
  
• Rent advertising space on your unit banners.
  
  
• Offer your opponent the chance to surrender before the battle starts.
  
  
• Dress in character.
  
  
• Perform a play by play commentary in a Howard Cossell voice.
  
  
• Speak only in third person.
  
  
• Use huge brass dice. Roll them dangerously close to your opponent's figures.
  
  
• Use only the little red dice from Warhammer Quest.
  
  
• Only roll one die at a time.
  
  
• Play Britney Spears. Insist that is it "battle music." Put it on repeat.
  
  
• Name all your characters after obscure Hungarian royalty. Become annoyed if your opponent fails to notice.
  
  
• Claim your army is comprised of all women. When pressed, explain they are all in disguise as to not get kicked out of the army.
  
  
• Place a hammer on the table before the battle starts. Explain it is there to insure loyalty.
  
  
• Quote Sun Tzu often, but only irrelevantly.
  
  
• Every time one of his miniatures has unrestricted LOS to a target, say 'check'.
  
  
• Suggest obviously suicidal tactics to your opponents. Explain that 'that's what Custer would do'.
  
  
• Perform a rousing speech to your troops before the battle. Pose like Mussolini at the end.
  
  
• Secretly replace your opponent's miniatures one at a time with miniatures from other games.
  
  
• Claim your miniatures are proxied for another regiment, though that has no bearing on game play whatsoever.
  
  
• Place all of your infantry on individual monster bases.
  
  
• Flock your bases with sand. Do not use glue.
  
  
• Take a halftime break to play with your Blood Bowl cheerleaders.
  
  
• In rules disputes, reference on Hoyle's book of games.
  
  
• Place NASCAR-like ads all over your vehicles.
  
  
• Demand to change table sides at the halfway mark.
  
  
• Use Play-doh miniatures. When one is killed, pound it into the table with your fist angrily.
  
  
• When your figure reaches the opponent's table side, demand it be kinged.
  
  
• Measure distances only with a yardstick.
  
  
• On a bad roll, swear a blue streak. Use only obscenities approved Judge Dredd.
  
  
• Sob uncontrollably while removing casualties.
  
  
• When you win, dump a tub of Gatorade on your commander.
  
  
• Include the word 'whoopass' on your army list as often as possible.
  
  
• Don't move your army. Don't fire. Flee when charged.
  
  
• Proxy a unit of O-scale cows for your commander's bodyguard. Don't forget to give them weapons.
  
  
• Converts all wheeled models into lowriders. Including cannons and chariots.
  
  
• Try to play multiple games at once like Gary Kasparov.
  
  
• Discuss tactics with your troops. Become argumentative.
  
  
• Four more words: Regis Philbin paint scheme.
  
  
• In a rules dispute, check 1st, 2nd and 3rd Edition 40k Rulebooks, "just to make sure the rules don't change in each book."
  
  
• Use a paintball gun to remove casualties. For both sides.
  
  
• Write army list in pig latin and binary.
  
  
• Fuzzy dice.
  
  
• Start each game with the national anthem.
  
  
• Have an inner monologue during the game. Digress frequently.
  
  
• During your opponent's turn, yodel.
  
  
• Each turn replace your commander with a new figure.
  
  
• After a good die roll, do a victory dance and spike the die.
  
  
• Write battle report during game. Take at least five minutes to write information between die rolls.
  
  
• During an Apocalypse game spontaneously throw an angry cat onto the table and shout: “BIO-TITAN DEEPSTRIKE, GO!!!”
  
  
• Whistle the Great Escape theme tune whenever a Mawloc burrows or units emerge out of a Trygon's tunnel
  
  
• Do a head count of your models at the end of every movement phase to make sure none get left behind
  
  
• Act out an elaborate birthing process for each gaunt the Tervigon spawns
  
  
• Measure distance for weapons with range : unlimited
  
  
• Saw the table in half and declare exterminatus
  
  
• Eat potato chips. Leave as many crumbs as possible on table and name it difficult terrain
  
  
• Stop the game every 15 minutes to have a tea break, acting out all the models conversations in a posh British accent
  
  
• Ask your opponent if you may field more then 1 calgar explaining you have 10 and can't choose which one you like the best
  
  
• Hum the StarWars theme song whenever you deepstrike a model before placing it on the table with a dramatic finish.
  
  
• Insist on praying through the catholic rosary before every dice roll.
  
  
• Tippex over the wounds entries in your codex and replace them all with tens.
  
  
• Do a Patton speech at the start of every turn.
  
  
• Scream "MORTAL KOMBAT!!" at the top of your voice whenever a unit is assaulted.
  
  
• Shout “Fatality!” when something dies.
  
  
• Shout “WAAAGH!!!” at random intervals.
  
  
• Turn some of their models the other way when they aren’t looking and say that they can't shoot.
  
  
• When one of their tanks is blown up, place another tank on top it etc and build a crazy tower of wrecks.
  
  
• Paint your models hair colour pink.
  
  
• Paint your models pink.
  
  
• Don't paint your models. Ever.
  
  
• Put the bases on upside down.
  
  
• Deliberately roll dice into enemy squads.
  
  
• When playing a smaller points game place your biotitan on the field and say that it is your entire army. Then after they call you out on it leave it on the field as a terrain piece. Move it every turn.
  
  
• When playing as Dark Eldar, on your first turn immediately concentrate all fire on the smallest weakest enemy unit then have all your units run off the board. Claim it is a perfectly Dark Eldary thing to do.
  
  
• Sweep your hands across the table and yell EXTERMINATUS!!!!
  
  
• Model all your units so they are in the prone position. Claim they stand on one knee to fire.
  
  
• Use a cigarette lighter to melt units killed by flamers and meltas.
  
  
• Put your tanks on flying bases, claiming they can see everything.
  
  
• If a jetbike is killed, jam him into the table or nearby terrain as though he crashed there.
  
  
• When two models die simultaneously, smash them into each other.
  
  
• Create tiny flags, then place them on objectives and complain when your opponent asks you to remove them.
  
  
• Put WHFB models on 40k bases; put 40k models on WHFB bases. Try to play regardless.
  
  
• Insist on leaving the models that die on the field. If a lot of them are in the same area, clam it is cover.
  
  
• If you play sisters of battle and run an Exorcist, play a small piece of Organ music whenever it fires. If it rolls well, play good music. If it screws up, play terrible music, or just mashing on the organ.
  
  
• Place a small pet, like a hamster or Gecko, on the table. Claim it is cover if units are behind it. If it runs off the table, put it back in the middle.
  
  
• Bite the heads off of your opponent’s models that are killed in close combat and yell “Decapitation!”
  
  
• Spit on your opponent’s models when they get attacked with Bio-Plasma.
  
  
• Knock your drink onto the table and yell “flash flood!”
  
  
• Leave in the middle of the game.
  
  
• Squeak your shoes or enact footsteps when your opponent moves their models.
  
  
• Clap two coconuts together whenever cavalry is moving.
  
  
• Tell your models: “If you guys lose again I'm going home and kicking the dog.”
  
  
• Repeatedly roll your dice off the table. Try to get them under something that sits low to the ground.
  
  
• Whenever an enemy model dies slap your opponent in the face and tell him that he should look after his troops better.
  
  
• Every time your opponent loses a model give him a hug and comfort him.
  
  
• Make tiny nooses for all the models that manage to miss in close quarters shooting and hang, draw and quarter them.
  
  
• Use only golf terms during the game.
  
  
• Set up using green plastic army men. Call them antique IG.
  
  
• Talk trash about one of your squads to one of his squads.
  
  
• Use dice with no dots.
  
  
• Use dice with only six dots.
  
  
• After your opponent sets up ask him if he would rather play Chess.
  
  
• Spin in circles when it’s not your turn
  
  
• Flip a coin for everything (troop movements, cc, shooting, everything)
  
  
• Be over polite. Eg - Great move partner, The best paint job I've ever seen, If I was half as good as you, You should be in tournaments, I don't stand a chance, You’re the best ever…
  
  
• On your army list use pink paper and a pink pen.
  
  
• Talk on your cell phone during the game.
  
  
• Eat honey and touch his models.
  
  
• Spill paint stripper.
  
  
• First turn have all your models commit suicide.
  
  
• Speak in incomplete sentences.
  
  
• Speak in palindromes.
  
  
• Speak in fake German.
  
  
• Use the word LIKE as much as you can. Like this one time like I had like the biggest like battle with like 500 nids and I like lost because like I couldn't like keep like my mind like on the game like.
  
  
• Rap all your commands.
  
  
• Act like you win when you lose.
  
  
• Act like you lose when you win.
  
  
• Ask your opponent what his strategy is and when he won't tell you complain to the store owner.
  
  
• Have one model keep a diary. Stop the game so you can write in it for him.
  
  
• Tell your opponent that he has to have insurance for all his units and their families.
  
  
• Tell your opponent you want to see his armies budget report. When he can't come up with one threaten to call the IRS.
  
  
• Wear a cowboy hat and talk about cows and there cover value.
  
  
• Use unpainted cigarette packs as terrain. Half way through take a smoke break and place the pack somewhere else.
  
  
• Read your opponent’s and his model’s last rites before the game
  
  
• Whisper when you talk explain that you commander has a hangover.
  
  
• Quote movie lines every time your opponent does something. Make sure they're unrelated to what he's doing.
  
  
• Ask what models your opponent is taking even if you're playing What You See Is What You Get. Then ask to see the army list. Then check his math...Twice.
  
  
• In a 1500 point game, pull out a 2000 point army and claim its only 1500.
  
  
• Put a name tag on every single one of your troops, as you move say (ex: "Ok Bob. Move here and kill him")
  
  
• Put Sisters of Battle heads on some of your units and put them off to the side. Claim that they're cheerleaders.
  
  
• Instead of rolling the dice to see what number you get, roll them at enemy units and if you hit one, cheer and claim you killed it.
  
  
• Make your terrain a checker/chess board.
  
  
• Halfway through the game claim your miniatures are tired and need a rest.
  
  
• Field a teddy bear and claim its stats are all 10 (except save, which is 1)
  
  
• Throw a dice at your opponent’s forehead. Wait for him to complain and say what you got on the dice. (Ex: "Ow! What the hell did you do that for!?" "I GOT A 5!!!")
  
  
• When the opponent wants to start the game, just stare at him.
  
  
• Bring cheerleaders to cheer you on (ex: "Go, Bob, go! You can do it! Whoop those orks! Give me a B! B! Give me an O! O! Etc... Etc...)
  
  
• Start crying & trying to resuscitate any of your models that die. Then place them back on the table and say that they were saved.
  
  
• Keep rolling the dice... When your opponent tells you it’s his turn, point to an empty space on the table and tell him your Stealth Teams haven't fired yet. Immediately following this, speak over your shoulder to an imaginary friend... "This guy thinks he can pull the wool over my eyes!"
  
  
• Place a shoe on the table, say it’s the new Tau Great White, and say its amour is 25, 25, 25. Then once a turn use it to smack your opponent’s models into the ground under its heel.
  
  
• When your opponent declares assault phase, start a fist fight with his favourite model, then give him back the model piece by piece and say, "He was picking on me!!!"
  
  
• When your opponent least expects it... turn off the lights!
  
  
• Turn the lights off and start flashing around two laser pointers and surreptitiously knocking his models down...When you turn the lights back on, make a sound like a rooster at dawn and say: "You see, the planet that this board represents takes 20 Terran Standard Minutes to rotate completely on its axis...Fortunate my guys were packing Black-Sun filters and plenty of marker lights, eh? You really should pay more attention to your astrophysics!"
  
  
• Address your troops by their full names.
  
  
• Address his troops by their full names.
  
  
• When it's his turn, stand behind him and every time he does something, breathe in through your teeth and say "I wouldn't do that if I were you".
  
  
• Wear a pair of sunglasses and carry a cane. Say you're blind. Be sure to win and when you do jump around the room saying "I WON! HA HA! You lost to a blind guy!
  
  
• Claim your commander is having a bad day and that winning would really cheer him up.
  
  
• Try to place killed models back on the table and when your opponent comments, say you did no such thing.
  
  
• Every time your opponent moves, shoots, or assaults, laugh. Laugh so hard he thinks he did something stupid so that he reconsiders.
  
  
• Hover over your opponents shoulder every time it’s his turn. Whisper suicidal strategies.
  
  
• One by one, start pocketing dice. Do it discreetly. Eventually, your opponent catches on, and then you can laugh at him.
  
  
• When fielding your Tau force, spray and splash on enough cologne to K.O. a skunk... When your fellow gamers make disgusted faces and pinch their noses, claim you are releasing pheromones to inspire your troops!
  
  
• Measure everything with a 5'' measurer, being very 'free' when replacing your measurer.
  
  
• Have a 'lucky die' and use only that die! And before throwing it whisper encouraging words to it and kiss it a lot
  
  
• Point out that as your opponent's land raider has been sitting still so long, it now has a parking ticket and half his army has to go to court to argue about it!!!
  
  
• Spring-load tiny foam darts onto all your Pulse Rifles. Get an elastic-band-and-folded-paper catapult and load it into the barrel of your railguns. Have fun.
  
  
• 'Convert' all your models by wrapping them in wads of bright pink silly-putty and insist his troops have to scream 'I am not a number' before they can move or assault...
  
  
• Take a large box with you into battle. If you've got big feet, a shoebox will do nicely. Every time you have a reserve roll, stroke the box, grin and say prophetically, "It's coming..."
  
  
• Speak only in haiku form.
  
  
• Never look directly at your opponent; whenever you would, instead just look slightly to one side of his face, or over his shoulder.
  
  
• Call him 'Sarah' all the time. Seem confused when he brings it up.
  
  
• Halfway through the match, leave everything, say nothing and just go. Take a daytrip to France or something. Have a great day out. Then go back, pick up the dice and ask where you were. (Don't do this if you're positive your opponent really likes your army, and would steal it if he had the chance.)
  
  
• Carry a Magic 8-Ball. Before the match starts, shake it. Ask it if you will win. Depending on the results, claim you won or you lost.
  
  
• Strap all your miniatures onto fingerboards.
  
  
• Place spikes around the bases of your FWs and say that any unit that charges them gets skewered with a S7 AP1 hit.
  
  
• Get a friend to call your opponent on a phone and while he’s gone, pick off 1 or 2 units at a time from his army. If he notices, say they are collateral that he can have back if he pays you $20.
  
  
• Place firecrackers on some cheap Kroot and claim they are suicide bombers. Send them up to your enemy's men then light them up, hopefully damaging a few of his models with molten plastic.
  
  
• Place outriggers on your devilfish, widening the prow width, then ram him into your enemies’ forces to inflict some major tank shock. If he thinks you’re cheating, make some insult about his "prow width" and the shock it causes you.
  
  
• Bring a CD player and some really annoying CDs.
  
  
• Take at least a minute for every die roll, and claim it’s for good luck
  
  
• Give all of your miniatures banners and paint propaganda and advertisements on them.
  
  
• Every time you kill a model, smash it with a hammer. Your opponent will more than likely object. Laugh.
  
  
• Put some spare Kroot rifles or Dark Eldar bits on your opponent’s chair when he's not looking. See if he notices.
  
  
• Stuff all your Kroot in 3"squared forest area and claim the entire squad gets a +4 cover save.
  
  
• Whip your opponent right up the butt with the measurement sticks supplied by GW when he bends over to move his men.
  
  
• Add a really strong unit from another type of army (Vindicare, Wraithlord, Land Raider, etc.) and say that they're mercenaries.
  
  
• Get bottle caps to be your guys and say buds are fire warriors or Labats are stealths. Don't tell them which is which.
  
  
• If you like country music bring 20 CDs and a boom box and play them during the game.
  
  
• Give a Shas'ui a shield generator and say it covers the whole squad.
  
  
• Stuff your entire army into one transport, pray you get priority, then move them in, and deploy your entire army. If your opponent asks, say it a special transport.
  
  
• Paint "just married" on the back of one of your tanks.
  
  
• Glue a Barney doll to a battle suit base and say it’s the new prototype of your army's power suit. If your opponent is smart, he will surrender immediately.
  
  
• Every time a model is killed begin to weep and say something like "Alas poor Binky. I knew him well."
  
  
• Before the game hide in the corner of the room and rock back and forth; if your opponent asks what you are doing, say you are afraid of his big guns.
  
  
• Every time you kill a model get a pop gun and shoot it off the board.
  
  
• When it’s your turn, just stare at your opponent. When he says it’s your turn, stare at him with an evil look. When he says something like "Don’t try to be funny" or "stop that", stop staring, furiously step to his side of the table, and in one sweep make all his units fall to the ground shouting "Do you always have to be so angry at me!!!!!!" (If you wear shoes, jump on his models...)
  
  
• Verbally command your units. When they "don't obey", hit them and send them flying off the table. Give the appropriate comments for the situation.
  
  
• Stroke your favourite miniature (or your opponent’s mini) and mumble "He’s my friend... I like him... He likes me..."
  
  
• When your opponent isn't looking, sneak a Sauron miniature onto your field (or his, just to see if he notices).
  
  
• Use "Inquisitor" sized miniatures.
  
  
• Speak completely in Orkish.
  
  
• At the end of the mission yell, “WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!" really loud. Do this whether you play Orks or not.
  
  
• Demand your opponent remove half his army to bring it within the points limit. When he insists that he's within the limit, burst into tears and ask if he knows what it's like to be lied to.
  
  
• Demand to know the colour of every one of his units' underwear. If he's playing an army that doesn't have any (e.g. Tyranid) refuse to continue until they're decently covered. Demand they be WYSIWYG.
  
  
• Every time you kill an enemy model, do a funky dance on the table. Insist that spectators join in and then tell your opponent that the people are with you.
  
  
• Detect your opponent’s psychic aura and use it (loudly and obnoxiously) to your advantage.
  
  
• Scream that your opponent is cheating by reading your psychic aura and demand he be blindfolded for the remainder of the game.
  
  
• Haggle over every dice result.
  
  
• Take a spare Ethereal model with you. Pray to it in a long ceremony at the beginning of every turn.
  
  
• Lick each and every one of your figures before you move or fire. Explain that it's for luck.
  
  
• Hide under the table humming the theme from Mission: Impossible during your opponents turn. Explain that you're "getting into the role" of your stealth suits. Ensure that you have no stealth suits on the board. If he points this out, tap your nose and grin.
  
  
• Measure the Pulse Rifle against your opponent's guns. Snigger suggestively and for the remainder of the game make comments about his 'inadequacies' compared to the Tau.
  
  
• Bring a modelling Knife with you when you play if a unit misses an important target cut some of him off. When your opponent wonders what on earth you're doing, say it’s corporal punishment.
  
  
• Set up on someone else’s board
  
  
• At the end of the battle, stand on the table and shout "HE IS A CHEATER!" or something like that. (It's much funnier if you two are the only ones in the room)
  
  
• Whenever you have troops insist on singing Star Trek battle music.
  
  
• Paint your stealth suits obnoxiously bright colours and give them signs that say, "Fear me for I am invisible!"
  
  
• Bring a Styrofoam grave-yard (fully decorated) for your soldiers. Paint the foam that comes in blisters brown and use it to cover them, use gravestones and put names for a bunch of the different soldiers.
  
  
• Point out a random unit in your army claim he is a traitor; have your troops surround him and spend half an hour interrogating him.
  
  
• Claim your army is comprised of auxiliaries (means nothing to the game) and argue with your opponent about their special power.
  
  
• Deploy your army so that all your models' weapons are pointed straight at the commander. If your opponent asks, say that it’s a remake of 'The Mutiny on the Bounty'.
  
  
• Hire someone to chuck dice at your opponent's models.
  
  
• When your opponent says something such as 'I need 3's to hit' or anything like that, immediately reply with a quick 'no' or 'nope'. When he takes out the rulebook to prove it, take the book and run out the door screaming "YOU CAN KILL MY FIRE WARRIORS, BUT YOU CAN'T TAKE MY FREEDOM!!!" (Something else equally random will also work here.)
  
  
• Begin having conversations with your models; for example, you could ask about their families or something. When asked what you are doing say "I'm keeping up the morale" then when you take your next LD test, say the LD is 12 because of all your morale-improving exercises.
  
  
• If you know your opponent has to leave at a certain time, roll every single dice one at a time, and then stare at him or her. When the time comes that he has to leave, and the game isn't over, scream in a foreign accent 'HAHA, YE FOOL MUST FLEE, I AM VICTORIOUS!!!' then begin a random dance.
  
  
• Before each turn, put the dice in your pants and when he asks, just tell him that you have always taken the tern "love the dice" far too literally.
  
  
• Bring your dog and claim that he is a special character, then when it eats his models, just say it’s the "swallow whole" rule.
  
  
• Ask for scatter dice even though you will never need them.
  
  
• Hold individual 5-minute prayer services for each casualty. For Commanders make the services 10 minutes.
  
  
• Speak gobbledygook to your opponent. When he says "What?" claim it's your army’s language and he should understand because you learned it in school.
  
  
• Flock some bases and put them on the table and say they're stealth suits in stealth mode.
  
  
• Before the battle starts, set a HUGE box of Kleenex next to him and look at him and tell him in a sad voice "Trust me after this is over, you will need these". And if he says anything about that, pull a pack of Depends out of your bag, slap them on the table and say " Oh yeah, sorry, you'll need these too."
  
  
• Bring a hammer and set it on the table. If your opponent asks, say it’s your back-up plan.
  
  
• When he is not looking, replace some of his models with some of yours of a slightly different type. See if he notices.
  
  
• Play Tyranids. Then almost all the time, especially when he's concentrating on his next move, just stare at him and mumble "must..........feed........grrrrrr" in a tyranid-similar voice. Then lick your mouth and maybe search through your bag in a savage manner for a beef jerky and start tearing the jerky with your teeth and stare at your opponent.
  
  
• Stroke your Hive Tyrant model and mumble "Not long now, my queen. They will all be yours soon..."
  
  
• Similarly, stroke your favourite model on the table and say "They is not taking you away, my precious..." Do this with a hunched back. If you can do Gollum's voice, do it when you say the words. Otherwise, give it your best shot. It may actually be funnier that way.
  
  
• Whenever a drone or a vehicle or something similar gets destroyed, put it back on, saying it got repaired on its warranty.
  
  
• Have a friend stand around during the game. He whispers in your ear before every move and every shot. Your opponent won’t know who he is playing against.
  
  
• Have a stereo with you. Before the game begins, pop in a mix CD that has music for every event imaginable. When that event happens, play the "appropriate" music.
  
  
• Tell your opponent that violence is wrong and the game should be stopped now, and they could come to some kind of agreement instead.
  
  
• In the middle of a battle, tip the table over and say that it's an earthquake.
  
  
• Say there’s a thunderstorm, then use an electrical current to melt your opponent's models (only works on plastic), saying they got struck by lightning
  
  
• Charge with 30 Ork Slugga Boyz, warboss and 2 Dreadnoughts, then roll all your dice one at a time. By the time you finish, your opponent will have died of old age, making you the winner.
  
  
• Pretend to move troops that aren’t really there, and say they're stealth suits.
  
  
• Get the plastic Cadians, but paint them like UN representatives. Randomly deploy them on the table of OTHER PEOPLE'S games and claim that they are there to break it up.
  
  
• Take a whiskey shot, scalpel and bandages, arrange all your army around you and begin to perform a Ta'lissera. When he asks you what a Ta'lissera is, just shake your head and continue the ritual. If it doesn't annoy him, it will more than likely scare him away.
  
  
• When playing against Space Marines/Imperial Guard/Sisters of Battle, make a little diorama of one of your models tearing open the golden throne and ripping the emperor above.
  
  
• Every time your opponent fails to wound you, or you make an armor save, do the little bullet-bounces-off-me thing with your finger, and yell "PING!" or "KAPWING!"
  
  
• Surreptitiously use green stuff and a modelling knife to drastically alter his models' bust sizes while he's not looking.
  
  
• Give every model of yours a very, very giant schlong. Make it with silly putty, so you can adjust the length if you want. Whenever your opponent asks about it, just say, "Jealous, are we?"
  
  
• Pace back and forth while he is taking his turn. Don't stop until he says he's finished or until he declares an attack.
  
  
• Bring a brush and some paint to the battle, and while he isn't looking, put streaks of liche purple across his most prized painted figures. If they're already liche purple, use bleached bone.
  
  
• Base your entire army with white. Give them Dalmatian spots.
  
  
• Use a flashlight every time you use a marker light.
  
  
• Field an army of NOTHING but fire warriors, and have them all charge for no reason directly at the closest enemy. You'll probably lose, but the randomness will piss off your opponent.
  
  
• Don't glue any guns to your fire warriors. When your opponent asks what weapons they have, say they're all Rail Rifles. Stubbornly persist with this.
  
  
• Every time you walk through jungle terrain, yell "KYEEEEEHEEEHEEEHEEE!!!!!"
  
  
• Employ the "KYEEEEEHEEEHEEEHEEE!!!!!" tactic any time during the battle.
  
  
• At the beginning of your shooting phase, play with your ordnance template (move it between your fingers, flip it, etc.) and chuckle menacingly. Do this even if you have nothing that uses an ordnance template.
  
  
• When fighting Orks, every time they move their Grotz, sing the Oompa-Loompa song.
  
  
• Convert some Tau to ride Space Marine bikes. Put other random conversions using vehicles/bikes/ heavy weapons from other armies. When questioned about these, yell "BECAUSE I CAN!!!" Then lapse into an uncomfortable silence for the next 5 minutes.
  
  
• Whenever your opponent declares an assault against you, yell "I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! LLAALAALAALAALAAAAA!" Run around in a circle with your hands over your ears while you're yelling this.
  
  
• Speak in l337 speak. Say every letter. e.g. //h0|23 = "forward slash, back slash, forward slash, back slash, h, zero, absolute value bar, two, three!"
  
  
• At the beginning of your turn, yell "This looks like a job for Superman!" If you have a Superman costume, wear it to the match, if you know you will be employing this line.
  
  
• Charge with 20 Kroot, 8 Kroot Hounds and 3 Krootox. Then insist on rolling all your dice one at a time
  
  
• In the middle of a turn, randomly start singing "I FEEL PRETTY! OH SO PRETTY! I FEEL PRETTY AND WITTY AND GAAAAAAYYYYYY!" Force everyone around you to join in.
  
  
• Turn 2: Take every single one of your models off the board. Put them up. Leave. Don't come back. Never say a word while doing this.
  
  
• Insist on racing one of his vehicles with one of your own. No shooting. Just moving.
  
  
• Say one of your weak units kills a powerful character. Pick the model up off the table, yell "IN YOUR FACE!" and run victory laps around your gaming area.
  
  
• Then, after you run the victory laps, take the model, make a diorama of him killing the character; for the background, make an Imperial-like piece of parchment out of green stuff and paint on it in black what happened and how he killed him.
  
  
• Every time your opponent takes a shot, even if it is completely open and not hull-down, tell your opponent you don't think he sees enough of your vehicle/ is in range/ whatever and tell him you'll be nice enough to give him the shot on a 4+. When he complains about this, mumble something to the effect of "stupid humans don't understand human technology"
  
  
• Wear a giant sombrero to the game.
  
  
• Put the sombrero on the ground and do the Mexican hat dance around it.
  
  
• Get the Mexican hat dance stuck in your opponents head.
  
  
• Field a 3000 point army of NOTHING but Grots, zapguns, looted vehicles w/ Grot Riggerz, etc.
  
  
• Dip your opponent's plastic models in acetone and watch the lawsuits begin!!!
  

[jundswarmmaster]

Someone already posted this somewhere on the site

[evalys]

This had me laughing for a good 15 minutes. Brilliant! Hahaha. Did you write this up yourself or copy-pasted from somewhere?

[AMMacBride]

Cool story bro.

You know you could just link to where you originally saw this, and then I wouldn't have to scroll down so far to tell you I've seen this posted here at least twice before.

[Alta]

You have never seen this before.
You may have seen the 101 Ways to Annoy your Opponent (which I posted before), but this is the only compilation of every way to annoy your opponent.
You have no idea how long it takes to compile all the Ways, making sure none are the same...

[Aztok]

You forgot:

If your opponent complains about you not having WYSIWYG, pull out a space marine captain with scything talons, rending claws, and adrenal glands biomorphs, and claim he is carrying Stikkbombz and Shuriken Pistol. Mention that if he wipes out a squad he gets a pain token, and can use acts of faith.

[htsmithium]

i would add using 20 sided dice to this list makes getting that 3+ ahole lot easier

[stefan]

be overpolite and then crush him. He will be so annoyed

[Psychichobo]

Hey, I think I was the one who invented that Dark Eldar line. Huh, this must've been from a thread from here ages ago....

[Alta]

yep, I includeed a lot of the ones that were suggested on the previous thread.

[killercroc]

HA, these are funny as hell, good go!

[Aztok]

Huzzah! You used some of mine!

I just found them, that list is huge!

[hive fleet pandora]

rofl! have a funeral for each one of your models that dies, before the game starts, make a mini diorama and claim its for a battle report.

everything on that list was hilarious!

[elementalfrost]

This is so funny! ;D

[Hyper Kinetic]

... Can we not dredge up old threads please?