Corpse Eater Rough Draft

[Hive Bahamut]

As someone trying to write 40k stuffs let's take a stab.

So your narrative has almost a haunting presence for the Broodlord which I like, but it loses it in the brawl, going from mysticism and illusion to Brute force. You could even have it believed to be a vampire.

If you reworked the fight part to just movement tracers and not actually seeing it until it was holding the prize that would continue the illusionary threat. Something Alien was good at that was lost in the sequels. Suspense by the unknown.

Just my 2 cents.

[HiveFleetExotica]

Apr 3, 2021 1:58:27 GMT Hive Bahamut said:

As someone trying to write 40k stuffs let's take a stab.

So your narrative has almost a haunting presence for the Broodlord which I like, but it loses it in the brawl, going from mysticism and illusion to Brute force. You could even have it believed to be a vampire.

If you reworked the fight part to just movement tracers and not actually seeing it until it was holding the prize that would continue the illusionary threat. Something Alien was good at that was lost in the sequels. Suspense by the unknown.

Just my 2 cents.

I like keeping it as something mysterious but when you compare how broodlords act in lord there an aggressive vanguard force so keeping itself 100 percent in secrecy doesn’t make much sense to me and the fight scene I added was to show how savage it can be when it’s exposed but I see where your coming from with not having it play 2 different roles ima going to redo the scene and try and make it better I also though it cutting down trees made it seem like it had higher intelligence too.

Not trying to go for the vampire narrative either cause I am currently painting the broodlord model and I’m committed to the grey and black color scheme I Have on it. Thanks for the input tho I’ll probably add to the narrative by the end of this week

[Hive Bahamut]

Ok with that in mind I flip flop my suggestion. Instead of secrecy at the start just use raw trauma and terror tactics. Heads hanging from trees, viscera and guts all that is found of dead comrades etc. The jungle painted red with the scouts.

The information gathered from recovered dataslates is about as rigid as Tyranid lore gets so I like that you kept that facet.

Interested to see where you go with this. By all means read "The Things" and the Genestealer thread to get some ideology and to get in the head of the creature. Why does it hunt? Does it feel? Why does it feel? Does it pity us or see us just as livestock? What are its motives and why has it chosen this site?

[HiveFleetExotica]

Apr 5, 2021 5:13:47 GMT Hive Bahamut said:

Ok with that in mind I flip flop my suggestion. Instead of secrecy at the start just use raw trauma and terror tactics. Heads hanging from trees, viscera and guts all that is found of dead comrades etc. The jungle painted red with the scouts.

The information gathered from recovered dataslates is about as rigid as Tyranid lore gets so I like that you kept that facet.

Interested to see where you go with this. By all means read "The Things" and the Genestealer thread to get some ideology and to get in the head of the creature. Why does it hunt? Does it feel? Why does it feel? Does it pity us or see us just as livestock? What are its motives and why has it chosen this site?

oh I like that approach a lot better actually with trauma and terror I read the genestealers thread too I’ll have to the “The Things” one too any actual black library story suggestions right now I’m listening to Hunger

[Hive Bahamut]

I honestly can't suggest anything from BL that I have read. Even my favourite "the Greater Good" (which predates GSC but is kind of that,) is just straight Bolter Porn. Part of my initial drive to write in this sort of narrative. Everything has humanity as the protagonists because we are soft and can't mould our minds to foreign concepts.

40k is essentially deus ex machina when it comes to anything not involving the thick Astartes plot armour. At least our "heroes" aren't fleet locked because they get cheesed so often in the stories.

Good luck!