What I've been working on for some time.

[Dro]

I've been engrossed in film making for the past few months, some like minded individuals followed. So after allot of hard work we have released our first short film!

It's no where near perfect but it premiered at The Charlie Awards in my home town, here it is: www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YSHo_lU_lc

Any critiques or comments on what can be improved for the next one would be really appreciated!

[Yuno]

You have what I in my head call musical tell alls.

One of the really brilliant things about magic realism/ the supernatural in the modern is the fact that it usually walks the line between being so overtly occult and something real and every day.

The moment the music starts after the old ballad at the beginning I know what is going to happen and how I should feel about all the characters. I know I'm supposed to be uncomfortable. It needs to be more seamless than that.

I also think that any of the symbolism involved is a little heavy handed. The switch to tarot cards and the fact he pours wine from a skull bottle makes the devil/demon implication feel a bit heavy handed.

The name Faust is also a little too much. The moment suave guy in a suit suddenly appears and starts pouring from the bottle saying he's the guys friend all I could think is "he's going to be named Damon, or Lucien or something else really closely tied to the devil. The he says his name is faust and I had to stop myself from yelling bingo.

The Jack character has to much of a polar acting response when he's losing money but the moment a guy simply appears he's very chill.

The other man who he's playing poker with feels like a plot device. How do they know each other? What is his stake in this? Why doesn't he feel more amazed by his friend not wanting money after his whole speech about wanting it.

The mentioned wife character he too easily gives up on. That story is so unclear that when he follows Faust out and more or less makes a bargain with him it feels very sudden.

When you're approaching the deals with a devil field you are walking on shaky ground because there is so much done with it you need to do something new or I won't be as interesting and will often come out like a copy cat and forced.