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Post by squidy on Mar 31, 2008 23:08:15 GMT
This game is about side effects of everything except inapropriate and medication topics. The point is to try and find something more dangerous than the person before you and make it like a medication commercial. Be sure to include side effects (which are the bad parts about the product). I'll start:
Do you ever have trouble killing those big pesky Carnifexes? The pain of them throttling you back and forth, you just can't stand it. Luckily there is a hope: the plasma gun. Weaponologists of the emporium have come up with this great object to deal with big creatures.
Do not operate this weapon unless you are capable of wearing power armor.
Side Effects may include:
Burning of the hands
Plasma spraying in your face
Burning of the chest
Melted armor
Melted body parts
and Death
So why wait! Ask your bunker's armory about a plasma gun today!
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Post by Hyper Kinetic on Apr 1, 2008 0:10:40 GMT
I LOVE making commercials for inane things ;D
And why not start with one of the most dangerous toxins known to man?
***
Feeling Stress about dresses? Down by frowns? Wrinkles crinkling your style?
We have found an easy solution.
Botox!
Yes you too can look like a Hollywood starlet! Enhance those lines, smooth your face and look perky once more!
It has been scientifically proven in many chemical warfare labs for over 100 years that paralysis of your muscles WILL make you look better!
All it takes is a simple injection several times per year of a toxin so powerful it can kill. Better still, if we stick it in the wrong place you lose control over your motor functions of your face and disfigure you WONDERFULLY!
But what price can you put on good looks? We put it at $600 per injection! How good is that?
Want to know how this product is derived? No problem. We don't test on animals, this product is CREATED by animals!
If you order today, we will throw in a free bruise caused by misplacement of our needles when we inject you. No need to wear blusher or darkener any more when we will give it to you FREE, but only if you order today!
Product may cause nausea, loss of sensation, loss of function of muscles, disfigurement, disease, botulism, death. Do not use if you value your life or emotion showing on your face. Do not use if you think that it is personality that counts.
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Post by Biowraith on Apr 1, 2008 6:47:59 GMT
Dry cough? Sore throte, well its clear you have THROTE BARNICLES!
New reaserch indecates that barnicles infact are plants, and when you go to the seaside, you breathin their spores!
But dont fret! We have the solution! this new Hydroclaric acid! Its burns the Barnicles away straght away!
sideeffcetsmightinclude:stomoculcersacidburnsliverfalularburnttoughemuchpainandyultametlydeath
Order today for just £100 a bottle, this amazing price will only last whilst stock do! so hurry down to your local cheimists!
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Post by commandervolfost on Apr 1, 2008 15:07:29 GMT
New from Moranos Breweries! Dimensionally Ambivalent Whiskey!
One drop and you're rolling on the floor drooling in four dimensions! Feel your liver go through pancrosis and reverse cycrosis in eight different ways! Watch your extra-anatomical organs swell from improper enzyme control and then go through it all over again from quantum disturbances!
Drink responsibly.
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Post by Virtual Falcon on Apr 1, 2008 16:41:36 GMT
Have annoying blisters?Then try new BIO-PLASMA Cream!
Made from 100% bio-plasma from our battery-farmed gargoyles!
We are not responsible for any pain, death, tyranid-morphing or the feeling of being absorbed into the biomass.
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gauntlover93
Genestealer
Hormagaunts: The Velociraptors of the 41st Millenium.
Posts: 95
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Post by gauntlover93 on Apr 1, 2008 19:13:56 GMT
Hi people!Are the Neighbours getting on your nerves?Is the dog barking to much?Did your Oven just break?Well, NO FEAR!Buy a Carnifex today for only £170.99 and it will solve all your problems! Talk to the Neighbours, Train the Dog and heck, even fix the oven!Warning: The Carnifex will infact just: Break through the wall and hack apart the neighbours, devour the dog whole, annihalate the oven, and finaly go on a unstoppable rampage that will destroy the whole city!Thanks,Gauntlover93
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Post by Enigma on Apr 1, 2008 20:04:26 GMT
Are you suffering from 1337-sp33k?
Are forums ruining your life?
Is the Tyranid Hive starting to get on your nerves with an overly large role-playing section?
We have the solution for you!
COMPUTER WIPEES!!!
Simply rub this on your eye and the specialized formula will find it's way to your brain and prevent it from thinking these negative thoughts.
Side affects may include: Cancer, Sars, Polio, The Black Death, One Missed Call, The Grudge, Tyranids entering your household, Permanent scarring, Turning into a Chav, Getting below 50 on your report cards, and death. We are not responsible for any of these should they happen, and we can therefore not be sued.
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Post by squidy on Apr 1, 2008 22:40:25 GMT
Tired of pushing buttons on your T.V. remote? Tired of standing up to get your T.V. remote? Well introducing the new way to watch T.V., the T.V. remote remote! Just set up your T.V. remote so it faces the T.V., put the super advanced poker over the button you want for it to push, then push the button attached to the super advanced poker and just like that, you can operate your remote with ease! To push a different button on the remote, simply move the advanced poker to the button you want to push! Its that simple and easy!
Side effects may include: bleeding from pokey wires, electrocution, frustration, and death.
To order this product you must do something that we have no idea what! Call now!
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Post by commandervolfost on Apr 2, 2008 15:09:01 GMT
Planes.
Warning! May cause delusions of grandeur, stupid plans, death by falling, death by hijacker, death by plane crash, death by passenger, death by snake, death by B-Movie and/or death by fuel explosion.
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Post by dragoknight on Apr 3, 2008 18:39:51 GMT
Are you an only child...get a sister
Side effects may include stress, headaches, bruising, nausea, leg cramp, diarrhea, claustrophobia, aids, coronary heart disease, multiple schlerosis, uncontrollable bleeding, blindness, deafness, hallusinations, paranormal experiences, permanent marker on your face, pessimisticism, amnesia, loss of possesions, insanity, a messy pet dog, lost friends, global warming, an interest in horoscopes, death, a meteor strike, the end of the world, the end of the universe, or love.
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Post by squidy on Apr 4, 2008 5:17:57 GMT
Are you a lonely gaunt? Get synapse!
Not only will it give you battle furry, but it will also make you do things you thought you would never do before!
Do not use synapse if you are not a Tyranid
Side Effects may include: Uncontrollable urges to do stupid stuff, not caring about safety in numbers, not caring about safety, being recycled into digestive fluids and death.
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Post by Enigma on Apr 4, 2008 17:59:38 GMT
Are Tyranids ruining your life?
Do you feel unappreciated by the swarms
Are your friends being melted down and made into Tyranids?
Well, we have a solution for you!
The FLASHLIGHT (I mean Lasgun)
It is the ultimate in gun crappiness, and is a blast to use!
Get it a laser sight, and BAM! It's twin-linked!
Shoot down those nasty gaunts!
Take out that big warrior!
Get your lasgun today!
Warning; Side Effects may include: Overconfidence, Delusions of Grandeur, Death by Melting, Death by Mobbing, Death by Tyranid, Death by Overheat, Desire to get a bolter instead, Death by Laser, Blinding.
May not work on Carnifexes.
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Post by Virtual Falcon on Apr 5, 2008 10:06:51 GMT
Won't you mother-in-law die so you can get her insurance?
Then try our new VENOM CANNON!
100% sticky venom death guranteed, also comes with a tame warrior to blame it on!
No cover on being ripped to shreds by the warrior, unable to handle the weapon, or your mother-in-law attacking you.
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Post by Julio on Apr 6, 2008 21:20:32 GMT
do you hate unborn fetuses and/or turkies?
then kill them. simple as that.
side effects may include: demon babies trying to kill you and (depending on which you kill) turkey swarms attacking your house. Seeing as this isnt a company, the only person you can sue for doing the random acts of violence is yourself.
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Post by commandervolfost on Apr 9, 2008 20:55:55 GMT
Are you tired with effective weapons destroying your enemies with contemptous ease?
Are you sick of new-fangled ways of killing taking the joy out of war?
Then get a Grot pistol!
Warning: May cause enemy corpse re-aliveness, death by zombie corpses, death by backfiring, death by innefectuality, death by backfiring, death by human shield, death by stamping and death by haemorriod (kidding about the haemorriod)
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