How to deal with new unpleasant players?

[killercroc]

So I have a bit of an issue with a new player that just moved in to town. Now we have a good sized little group of regular players (around 6) and around the same number of people who show up from time to time. So I always love when someone new starts the hobby, gives us more people to play with and what not. But with this guy it was unfortunately not the same.

Pretty much this guy was as rude as you could be. Now keep in mind this is the first time any of us have met him so we're complete strangers. He starts off by bashing our terrain (It's pretty much all custom made by the players there, a lot of it really nice) Saying how it's not built "properly" and that he'll show us how terrain is suppose to look. Then he start bashing on the store itself and how he is going to "whip it into shape" and take control of the gaming group and he is going to show us how to play campaigns, how to play the game, how the tables are suppose to look, etc.. Then to top it all off he said he was going to teach me how to paint because my models were grey and I needed to learn to paint from him if I was going to play 40k.

To be honest I almost went postal on him when he said that. like seriously, who says things like that to someone you just met? And then the cherry on the very top was he said he hates people who play competitively and if anyone wants to play like that he'll take them out back and beat them up.

So yeah, as my friend so eloquently put it the guy was a massive "Delta-Bravo".

So has anyone else had an encounter from people like this? What do you suggest?

[jimmyp]

sorry to hear that this guy has turned up and been extremley rude, you should chat with your friends in your group and just tell him where to go to be honest. is it a gaming club? shop? gw store?

[wilson]

sounds like a dick man, sorry to hear that. I agree with Jimmy, speak to your buddys and tell him to be gone. No one wants or needs a human like that in their life.

[killercroc]

It's a local game store not a GW store.

I might just do that, talk to everyone and if they agree just ask him to leave and not come back.

[jimmyp]

even talk to the owner of the store and tell him about the issue mate i am sure he does not want his customers unhappy

[mattblowers]

Sorry to hear that, those type of people can be hard to deal with. I would suggest that you tell him what it is like to experience that from your end. Getting mad won't work and he'll likely just get defensive. Tell him that the way he is acting is making no one want to be around him. He likely is insecure and trying to make himself feel better. Honestly and calmly expressing how you feel about his behavior may win him over. If he won't adjust his behavior kindly ask him to leave. We had one like that in a FLGS and they wouldn't say anything to him. I tried to talk to him but it didn't go far. Everyone left that store after a league he soured and then he disappeared. Everyone lost. Best wishes man, these situations are tough.

Oct 18, 2014 14:55:47 GMT killercroc said:

It's a local game store not a GW store.

I might just do that, talk to everyone and if they agree just ask him to leave and not come back.

That might be a bit harsh. I certainly would try to resolve before giving him the boot.

[gigasnail]

I dunno, sounds like a good idea to me. You can't let asshats get established. Nip that behavior in the bud. Let him know he's welcome if he pulls his head out of his fourth point of contact, but otherwise that (please do not swear) won't fly.

[gigasnail]

Especially since he's threatening people.

[eskimo]

Let him know the store is running a highly competitive tournament and everyone is welcome to bring bare plastic. Though if you're not that kinda guy, as said, approach the owner with your gaming buds and say you're unhappy with this guy. The guy sounds pretty comical tbf.

[arapaima]

Tell the store owner, (please do not swear) like this is bad for both business and the group as a whole. To elaborate , it is the guy's shop, he call the shots and will say his thing if he realise this not good for a gaming environment as a whole.

You can also call him out on his (please do not swear) it takes two to play a game and being a Greater Daemon tier shitlord that folks here is happy to leave you to forge a narrative all on his lonesome, sure painting and terrain advices are always helpful but neckbeard condescension is something he should leave on whatever forum he went to. My condolences for you being saddled with someone like that outside of the internet, hopefully he may come around after realising this won't make him any friends here.

[angelwing]

I'd simply ignore the guy. If he asks why politely explain why. Hopefully he will change his tune, or he may leave and not come back. If the problem persists despite this, then the store owner has to have a talk with him.

[killercroc]

I figure I'll do that. Give him a chance, but if he continues to be a pain I'll just ignore him or tell him I dont want him to talk to me.

[LordPathos]

Well since this seems to be my answers for any and everything: USE THE FLESHBORER HIVE!

[jawsgid]

I think Lord Pathos has the right idea. On the off chance you don't have a flesh borer hive lying around though, just be up front with the dude. Calmly tell him he's been a jackass and call him on his behavior. If he starts to act like a decent human being, awesome. If he keeps acting like a jerk, (please do not swear) him.

[Overread]

I'd say soak his comments for a while - let him chest thump if that makes him feel better in a new area, for a bit. Chances are if he's just chest thumping then he'll quieten down on his own.


If he doesn't then you've a few things to try:
1) Actually find out if he's got any skill at all - he might be all mouth and nothing more. If you find out and know that for fact then if he keeps going you can call him out on it and tell him to shush.

2) Try the "dude calm down man and chill" kind of approach. You're basically telling him to calm down; stop showing off and behave himself but without using a hostile approach. Some might call this the "weak" approach but its more about airing your view point clearly; but without leaving a sting. Because doing that could result in him leaving or might sour the overall gamin experience for the group.

3) If he's being continually obnoxious; boastful and insulting to others and points 1 and 2 don't work then its time to say it out straight, flat and honest. Not hostile; but very clearly lay it on the line that he's being disruptive, childish, disrespectful and souring the mood. Note you're not actually trying to insult him back (that just gets you into a fight no one wins); you're informing him of the negative impacts of his behaviour. That puts the ball in his court - he can mend his ways and behave or not.


Note don't try to "fight" back - follow point 3. If you try to fight by boasting or insulting etc... you'll get stuck in a fight and chances are if this is how this person is he'll already have experience enough to have a good few snappy remarks and come-backs that will leave you floundering. Plus, like I said, fighting oft just results in two losers.

Your final straw isn't a fight, its doing what you've already thought of which is talking to the others and to the manager and having him ejected from the group. Note sometimes you have to go all the way and lay this right on the line to a person. Lay it on the line that their behaviour has caused this; however don't fully oust him;

"Your behaviour has caused significant disruption and you've failed to moderate your tone and manners to the point where it is being considered to have you ejected from the group."

Note how you've issued the threat, but not actually done it in that wording. At that point his reaction is very telling. If he honestly wants to be a part of the group it will be apologies and "please one more chance" affairs, or at least a general backing down.
If they get all up-front-hostile and such or simply keep going then you know its not worth the time and you just enact what you've threatened to do.




Gamers, despite gaming being a social thing, are oft not always the most socially aware nor mature of people. So I always advise taking a view that they are not a bad person - that they want to take part, contribute, help out etc... right up until the last possible moment.





PS an alternative tactic is to accept what he says to a point. "That's great, I've been looking for someone to help do some painting nights. Lets do one next week, you can how us how you paint and I'll do a bit on mine and Dave will do some on his shading etc..".

Now you've accepted his boast, but at the same time dumbed him down with the rest of you and made his contribution part of a group contribution. He gets to contribute, but at the same time he's not dominating the event. Furthermore it means if he is all mouth and no action you've got others ready as back-up on the night so that its not a waste (if nothing else now you've got yourself a painting teaching night for the members who might not be as gifted).